Everything to be Guilty For
by BadgerWolf
Summary: It was his fault... It was all his fault. Everything always was, and everything always would be. And now that the love of his life was gone, the best course of action would be for Randall to take his own life. Wouldn't it? WARNING: Features themes of attempted suicide and death. Please do not read if this affects you.


**WARNING: This story features death and attempted suicide. If this would somehow impact you negatively, I would advise you not to read.**

******Disclaimer: Monsters Inc., Monsters University and all characters herein belong to Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios.**

**A/N: Well... this just about tore my heart out to write. It was a bit of a struggle to pull the pieces together and get it the way I wanted it, but I think I've managed it. Hope you all enjoy! As much as a tragedy can be enjoyed, anyway...**

* * *

_A tragic accident_. That's what all the headlines said. But Randall knew differently. He knew the truth. It was his fault. And he was about to do the decent thing and rid the world of a wretch like him.

Not content in placing his faith in a simple handgun to get the job done, he eyed the shotgun placed on the coffee table before him. He did have to allow himself a small smile, remembering the bizarre thought process that went behind the decision. It was both logical and a little foolish at the same time, in retrospect.

Randall had heard of monsters surviving their attempted suicides by manner of shooting themselves in the head before. He knew it was incredibly unlikely to happen to him, most of those monsters having backed out of their decision at the last split-second had probably been what saved them, which of course he had no intention of doing. No, what he was doing was for the best. For everyone, himself included. Still, he was unwilling to take the risk and had opted to get a weapon more than capable of getting the job done.

The clock sounded and gave Randall a small fright. He clutched his chest and panted as he looked up at the offending object. He squinted more than usual to try and make out the hands on the clock face, but with the last traces of sunlight gone and not a single light having been switched on in the apartment since, he instead had to settle on counting the chimes.

Ten o'clock. It was time. He knew it was ridiculous, keeping even his final act to a schedule, but without being able to plan everything in meticulous detail since it had all happened Randall would never have been able to cope. Not that much needed planning. Not as much as he'd thought would be needed to before he was pushed out, anyway.

With a heavy sigh Randall left the warm comfort of the couch. Hovering over the coffee table for a moment, he made a grab at the only other objects placed upon it, a small glass and a bottle of red wine. Something else that had been helping him cope the past few days, and something he knew he could rely on to help him through what he was about to do.

Randall calmly poured himself one final drink. He then replaced the cork in the bottle, placing it back on the shelf it had come from, and took both the glass and the shotgun as he made his way to the bedroom. As he reached the door he took one last sweeping look over his dark and dingy apartment, making sure everything had been tidied and cleaned to perfection. Despite what he was about to do, he didn't want to leave any more work to be done than necessary for the very few unfortunate monsters that still cared for him. Plus he'd never be able to live with himself if Wazowski ever thought him to be a slob. Not that living with himself would be a problem for much longer.

Saying his final goodbye to the room that had provided him so many memories, both joyous and painful, he turned the knob on the door and slowly entered his bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. He set the shotgun on the desk, switching on the lamp there; allowing the minimum amount of light he figured would be required for his task. He took a seat on the edge of his bed, sipping at his wine, eyes never leaving the shotgun. His resolve was set. This was for the best. Almost everyone had made sure he knew it. He tried to conjure up memories of specific examples, but none came. He was sure it had been said though, multiple times by just as many monsters.

He also tried remembering exactly what had happened. What had been the cause of all this anguish, this pain, this depression. This guilt. But again, he couldn't. Most of it was still a blur. He knew he could remember it clearly when explaining it to the police not long after it happened, but after that very first recollection he had since forgotten many details of the hows and whys. All he knew is that it had been his fault. That was the one inescapable fact that would always remain. And he couldn't bear living with it anymore.

Randall once again raised the glass to his lips. He felt nothing but the glass against the scales there, signalling he had drained the last of its contents. He calmly rose from the bed, placing the glass on the desk and once again lifting the shotgun from its resting place. He gazed at the glass for a moment, the one thing he wouldn't be leaving clean in the apartment before his demise.

'Well, that and the blood and brain matter,' he mentally noted with an edge of twisted humour, smirking slightly at the thought.

He walked to the other side of the room in long, confident strides, stopping in front of a full-length mirror. He took a good look at himself, head to toe. Despite only having been three days, it was already evident he'd lost a little weight. A few scars littered his body, every day serving as a cold reminder of his past mistakes, though they hardly seemed significant now. What struck Randall the most was the haggard, bleary-eyed face that looked back at him. Had he always looked like this? Or had this been a gradual change over the past few days? He couldn't be sure, but he didn't pay it much mind. He stared at his face, no emotion whatsoever in the expression looking back at him now. He then frowned slightly, and then smirked.

"Well, well, well," he said aloud, the sound of his own voice almost alien to him in comparison to the silence the past few hours had afforded him, save for the ticking and chiming of the clock in the living room. "What do we have here? What a pitiful excuse for a monster you are," he spat, all traces of his smirk now gone. "You never did accomplish anything in life, did you? Well, nothing you actually wanted to. No, you've always been nothing but a failure. Just like you've always been told you were. Well, bravo," he drawled, tucking the shotgun under an arm as he slowly applauded himself with both sets of his hands. "But hey, it's not so bad, right? You _did_ accomplish something. Something you wanted… once. You did it. You finally did it. You… killed… Sullivan…"

His face became saddened then. He resisted the urge to cry, there had already been plenty of time for that already. No more tears would be shed now, not if he could help it.

"Never mind the fact you fell in love with him," he continued. "What an idiot you are! You don't. Fraternise. With. The enemy! That's _always_ been rule number one! And you certainly don't develop feelings for them! But, you… You poor, miserable, failure of a monster… You went ahead and did it anyway. And look where it's gotten you now." He gazed down at the shotgun, holding it in two hands and running a third along the barrel. "It's going to get you killed…"

He looked back up to his reflection, an angry glare looking back at him. "You just couldn't do it, could you? You couldn't leave well enough alone. He didn't deserve this, any of this! And he _certainly_ didn't deserve you." He stared angrily at the reflection for a long while, steadily becoming more irritated with what was looking back at him until he finally snapped. "**Stop looking at me**!" he yelled, punching the mirror at its centre. Some of the glass shattered upon impact, cutting his fist in multiple places as well as his front-most feet as it fell. Randall panted heavily, the anger slowly subsiding as he looked to the floor, standing otherwise motionless with his fist still pressed to the back of the mirror. He then chuckled weakly, feeling a strange sense of euphoria wash over him now that he'd finally gotten some of his anger out of his system after having held it in for so long.

The reptilian monster looked back up to the mirror, the fractured glass contorting his image into something barely recognisable, yet something still very much identifiable as him. The splits in his reflection perfectly complimented the condition of his mental state, he noted, though it had been that way long before any of this happened. But there would be no need to worry about that for much longer.

His expression became emotionless once more as he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he raised the shotgun to point vertically upwards. He pressed the end of the barrel to the base of his chin, holding the tip with one hand, the trigger with another, and gripping along the barrel with his other two. It was then he noticed his nerve was beginning to waver, the shotgun making a faint rattling sound as his hands began to shake.

He looked himself in the eyes, seeing the fear lying within them. He gulped apprehensively, swallowing the lump forming in his throat, and took another deep breath to help settle his nerves.

"No backing out now," he said to himself, his voice now barely more than a whisper. "It's for the best."

He squeezed his eyes shut tight, took in another deep breath and began pulling the trigger. This was it, his final favour to the world. To himself. He didn't know what would lie beyond life, but he knew no matter what he did he'd be going to a place much lower than Sullivan inevitably had. He didn't care, whatever hell lay in wait for him would be nothing compared to how he felt now. He would always live with the knowledge that he'd killed his beloved, whether in this life or the next, but at least this way no-one would have to suffer his presence any longer, and neither would he have to suffer anyone else's.

This was what he deserved. This was what he deserved for everything he had done. He had treated Sullivan bitterly, with contempt, with vengeance, when deep down he knew the big lug didn't deserve it. He'd even tried to kill him once before. But worst of all, he'd had the audacity to _befriend_ him. And because of that one simple act he was now dead. Gone before his prime, before his life had truly begun, and it was all his fault. Randall barely registered the tear that fell from his eye, too caught up in his memories before his mind suddenly went blank, unwilling to remember any more.

It seemed more time had passed than Randall had wanted to, but still he kept pulling the trigger. Any moment now his life would come to a glorious end and the world would become a better place again. Any… moment… now…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Randall jumped with fright at the sudden noise. The shotgun flew from his hands almost half way across the room. Pointed towards the closet it promptly discharged itself upon impact with the floor. The knocking at the front door then came again, more frantic this time. Randall laughed, the sudden relief taking him by surprise at having been given a while longer to live. He then cursed himself angrily for having dropped the shotgun, unnecessarily delaying his death. And then he slowly began to cry, realising yet again he'd failed. Realistically he knew he probably wouldn't be able to gather the resolve to attempt suicide again. Now he would have to live life with the guilt, the sorrow, the _judgement_. Every eye on him, silently blaming him if they didn't already see fit to vocalise it. The last three days had been torture; he couldn't bear a lifetime of it.

He buried his head in his hands as he silently sobbed, slumping unceremoniously onto his bed. He didn't hear the lock being unlocked on the main door to his apartment, nor did he hear it open. He didn't hear the flicking of the light switch, nor the soft footsteps slowly making their way through the living room. He didn't even hear the voice coming from the monster who had entered. Nothing registered in his mind but his own grief that had once again overwhelmed him.

"Randall?! Randall?! Where are you?!" the voice called in a panic, the footsteps becoming heavier and more rapid.

Doors opened in all areas of the apartment and, should he have been counting, Randall would have realised his bedroom was the last to be checked. The door opened quickly yet quietly and he didn't even look up to see who had entered, still not taking notice of anything around him.

The monster in question simply stared at the disturbing scene before him. The purple scaled monster led sobbing on the bed, the empty wine glass upon the desk, the broken mirror with glass shards littered at its foot, the blood stains on the carpet and wall, and most prominently the shotgun that lay on the ground not far from his feet, a large, singed hole in the closet door to its side. The minimal light cast on the scene by the lamp only served to give it a more ominous, yet depressing feel.

"Oh Randall…" he softly said, beginning to tear up a little himself. "Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me things had gotten so bad?"

He made his way to the bed, gently sitting on the edge and placing a comforting hand on Randall's back. Only then did the reptilian monster finally register the other's presence, recoiling to the other side of the bed as he quickly wiped tears from his eyes. Despite his best efforts his vision remained blurred, but the decidedly round shape and the distinct shade of green of the monster before him were unmistakable.

"M-Mike?" he ventured, rubbing an eye again.

"Yeah buddy, it's me," he said in the same soft tone.

Randall afforded him a smile, though it was soon replaced with a frown. "What are you doing here?!" he suddenly shouted. "Why did you have to come here?! If you hadn't I could have ended it! I could have ended it all!" He then suddenly grabbed both of Mike's arms, gripping them tight as he growled. "Why did you take that away from me? Why?!"

"Randall, get a hold of yourself!" Mike snapped, yanking his arms out of the other's grasp and backing away slightly.

"You took my one chance away from me! My one chance to get away from _all_ of this!"

"Randall, stop, please just listen!"

"No! You took my one chance to escape this hell! Now I have to live with all of this for the rest of my life! And it's a _lot_ fucking longer now thanks to you!"

"Just listen to me!"

"No! You messed up my schedule!" he shouted with finality, not even realising the ridiculousness of his own words.

"Wait, what?" Mike asked, furrowing his brow. "Your… schedule?"

Randall blinked a couple of times, his expression becoming one of confusion. "I… uhh…"

Mike suddenly burst out laughing, caught off-guard by the random yet oh so typical comment from his friend. He knew he shouldn't have found it so funny, but the relief the comment brought to the situation made it all too difficult not to. Randall scowled again at the reaction.

"It's not funny!" he spat.

Mike laughed harder, having to turn away.

"Stop laughing!" Randall shouted, a little less angrily this time.

Mike gasped for breath as he clutched one of his sides, waving his other hand in the air weakly. "I can't… I can't…"

Randall's frown had disappeared, replaced with a small smile as Mike's infectious laughter began to take over. "Dammit Wazowski, I was _trying_ to be angry with you!" he said, struggling not to laugh himself. "Cretin."

Mike took a few deep breaths, his laughter finally subsiding. "Ohh… I'm sorry Randall, but I needed that. I _really_ needed that." His face became more concerned as he approached his friend again. "I'm sure you did too."

Randall's face grew saddened once again and he said nothing. Mike hopped up onto the bed again, sitting beside him. They both sat in silence for a moment while they each collected their own thoughts.

"What are you doing to yourself?" Mike eventually spoke up. "You didn't need to let things get this far. If you need someone to talk to, someone's shoulder to cry on, all you have to do is call. I'm here for you. I'm always willing to help."

"Help?" Randall replied, a lost look in his eyes. "There is no help for me. What's done is done. I killed my best friend, the love of my life, and I… there's just no getting away from that. Everyone thinks bad of me for it. Everyone blames me." He then looked down at Mike intently. "You blame me too," he said before turning away again.

Mike fidgeted with his hands a little, turning away as well. "Gotta be honest, I did at first…" He then sighed and turned back to Randall with a small smile. "But I don't blame you now. I know better. It wasn't your fault. It was just… one of those things. An accident."

Randall didn't return the smile. "But it was still my fault, Mike. And it could've just as easily been you!" He sighed, turning away again. "If I hadn't convinced him to go with me and do the stupid thing, he wouldn't have… y'know…"

"Randall, you couldn't have known," Mike said reassuringly, patting his shoulder.

"But I should've. I should've known I'd be nothing but trouble. I shouldn't have become his friend. If I hadn't, he'd still be here now."

"Well, maybe I should run now while I still can," Mike joked, giving the reptilian monster a playful nudge.

Randall didn't smile; rather he slowly shook his head. "Mike, I'm being serious. I shouldn't have become friends with either of you. I shouldn't have done a lot of things, really." He sighed as he looked down at a particular scar on his side, gazing intently at it. "They were right. All of them. It would've been best if I died in that swamp."

"Hey! Don't you ever say that!" Mike snapped angrily, hopping off the bed and walking directly in front of Randall, forcing the other to look him in the eye. "You don't listen to them. Any of them! They're wrong, you aren't a bad monster. You made some bad choices, sure, but… In the end, no harm came of it. Not really. You were forgiven by… by Sul and me, you were forgiven by a court of law, you were forgiven by Fungus even! And you know Boo forgave you too." Mike paused for a moment, and then gasped. "Oh… oh no, Boo…" he muttered to himself, quiet enough to ensure Randall didn't hear. He sighed, realising she didn't yet know anything about Sulley's death. That was going to be a tough conversation to have.

"But Mike!" Randall suddenly piped up, an edge of desperation to his voice. "If I'd have never come back from that swamp then _everyone_ would've been happier! Everyone could have just gone about their lives as though nothing had happened. I wouldn't have been a bother to you or James, and _this_ wouldn't have happened! Face it Mike, nothing good has come from me being here. Nothing."

"Don't say that," Mike said. "You've been a great friend to both of us. Sure, you were a bit of a pest at first and sure, I thought Sul was crazy for bringing you back, but I wouldn't have it any other way now. And you _know_ there's at least three people who would've been sad to know you were never coming back."

"Three, huh? And who are these three stupid monsters?"

"Rude, but I'll let that one slide. Well, there's me for one. Your mother would definitely be a second. And then there's Sul. You _do_ remember what he said before he… he died, right? "

Randall bit his lip, turning away as tears began to form again. "How could I not?" he sniffed.

"You can't keep blaming yourself Randall. And you _can't_ go on thinking no-one cares. There are people who care. I care. Your mother cares. And Sulley cares. Erm… cared. He wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't care, would he?"

"I just miss him so much Mike!" he suddenly cried out, collapsing onto his friend in an embrace somewhat akin to a hug.

"I know buddy," Mike sighed, wrapping his arms around Randall and closing his eye tight, trying his best to keep his own emotions in check. "I miss him too…"

Randall stayed in place, openly sobbing on his friend's shoulder. Mike simply held him, rubbing his back and making comforting noises. "It's alright buddy. Everything's going to be OK, just you wait and see."

The embrace continued for a few more minutes before Randall finally pulled away. "I'm sorry Mike, you don't need this. You should be more upset than I am."

Mike gave Randall the most winning smile he could manage. "Don't even mention it pal. Grief is a selfish thing, there's no shame in that. But it doesn't mean we can't be there for each other. Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

Mike walked over to the shotgun and carefully picked it up. "Don't _ever_ think about doing something stupid like this again. One death is already one too many to deal with. I don't know what I'd have done if I lost you too," he said, his smile faltering.

Randall nodded. "I won't. I don't think I could even if I wanted to. But… thank you. For… well, for saving me, I guess."

"Again, don't mention it." Mike then drew in a large breath and let it out again in a slow, dramatic fashion. "Bit of a tense day, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"So, do you have a suit ready?"

Randall looked at Mike in confusion. "Suit? For what?"

"The funeral of course!" Mike almost yelped. "You are going, aren't you?"

"Mike, Ms. Sullivan barred me from the funeral, remember?" he sighed sadly.

"And since when did something like that ever stop you?"

"Yeah, but Mike, this is different. I can't disrespect James' memory."

"Look, don't you worry about it. I'll make sure you're invited, trust me."

Randall's eyes lit up as he sat straighter. "Really?" He then slouched a little, frowning. "But how are you going to do that?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll have words." As much as Mike held the greatest of respects for Sulley's mother, this was one thing he could confidently say he disagreed with her on.

"But what about the planning? I tried getting involved, but… y'know. And they're doing it all wrong! They aren't even gonna use his favourite song!"

Mike held his free hand up to silence his friend. "Don't. Worry. I know what Sul wanted just as well as you do." He decided against pointing out how long he'd been Sulley's best friend for, lest he offend or upset Randall. "I'll get it all changed."

Randall smiled at this. "Great."

"In the meantime you need to go out and get yourself a suit," Mike continued as he began walking through the bedroom door, signalling he wanted to leave, carefully carrying the gun with him.

Randall complied with the silent request, following Mike back through the living room to show him out.

"Make sure you look sharp! I'll expect nothing less."

"Yeah, yeah," Randall muttered, crossing both sets of arms and rolling his eyes.

"Oh, and, uhh… good luck cleaning that up," Mike said, gesturing to the floor.

"Hm?" Randall looked down on the floor to find a small trail of blood had followed him. He'd completely forgotten to address the cuts on his hand and feet. Now that he'd noticed it he saw a small patch of blood on his opposing arm too.

"Yeah, forgot to mention you were still bleeding a lil'," Mike chuckled. "But don't worry, nothing major, you can patch it all up nice and easy. And I made sure to keep that mangled hand away from me when you hugged me earlier too. Just thought I'd let you know since _obviously_ you hadn't noticed," he finished with a teasing grin.

Randall huffed, crossing his arms again. "Cretin."

"Uh-huh. Someone's getting a dictionary on audio tape for their birthday this year."

"Very funny," Randall muttered, though he couldn't help but smile.

Mike reached for the front door, opening it and walking outside before turning back to Randall. "Listen, just call me if you need to talk," he said in a more serious tone, not even noticing the slight involuntary gesture he made with the shotgun as though to further drive the point home. "And stop ignoring _my_ calls for that matter. I wanna know you're OK. And I need someone to talk to sometimes as well, y'know?"

Randall nodded, feeling slightly guilty. "Sorry."

"That's alright. Just take care of yourself, pal. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know when I've gotten you re-invited."

"You mean 'if'."

"I know what I said," Mike stated confidently. "And I mean it. I'll call you _when_ I've done it, OK?"

Randall nodded, flashing a small smile despite his remaining doubt. "OK."

"Good. Well I'm gonna head off now and…" Mike trailed off as he took a step backwards, feeling something brush against his foot. He stooped over to pick it up with his free hand, noting it to be a flier. "What's this?"

Randall peered over at the flier too. Both took note of its content at the same time, and both suddenly felt quite ill. Mike allowed the flier to limply fall from his hand and turned on his heel to leave.

"I'm, uhh… I'm gonna go now. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yeah…" Randall said simply, closing the door as Mike began walking away.

As he struggled to keep himself from crying again, Randall heard a sound coming from the outer hall. It was obvious that Mike had finally succumbed to his own grief and had been unable to contain it any longer.

He soon joined Mike in his sobbing; continuing long after the other had left and could no longer be heard. The flier really couldn't have been found at a worse time, only serving as a fresh reminder of what had gotten their friend killed mere days ago.

The memories came flooding back to the reptilian monster with newfound clarity and he replayed each and every one of them in his mind long since he'd finished cleaning up and headed to bed. Despite being exhausted from the sleep deprivation he'd suffered the past few days he found himself wide awake, unable to break his thoughts away.

If only he hadn't done it. If only he hadn't gotten that stupid flier. Things would be fine. But they weren't. Because of course, he had to go and make what was in his mind the stupidest suggestion he'd ever made.

"_No."_

"_Oh c'mon, you guys never have any fuuuuuuuun," Randall whined._

"_No."_

"_But it'll be something new I get to introduce you both to!"_

"_No."_

"_Ugh, you guys are boring… Don't you wanna try something different?"_

"_No."_

Twenty minutes had been spent in this exact manner, Randall remembered. He'd been waving a flier around whilst coming up with a new reason why Mike and Sulley should try a mountain climbing experience with him while the other two casually took turns in offering a simple yet firm 'no'.

"_Remind me to send the mailmonster a very angry letter," Mike muttered, rubbing his head._

"_Oh c'mon, why is this such a bad idea?" Randall continued whining._

"_Hey, do you think he'd have to deliver the letter to himself?" Sulley piped up with a chuckle._

_The other monsters turned and stared blankly at him._

"_Remind me again how you made CEO?" Randall snarked._

"_It was a joke," Sulley muttered._

_Mike and Randall both rolled their eyes. Randall then smirked as he formulated a plan. He quickly climbed onto the back of his couch and curled himself around Sulley's shoulders._

"_What are you doing?" Sulley asked._

"_Go with me," Randall said simply. _

"_No."_

"_Go with me."_

"_No."_

"_Go with me."_

"_No."_

"_I can do this all day…"_

"_Look, Randall, I just don't want to."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because."_

"_Because… what?"_

"_I, uhh… I have a lot of paperwork to do and-"_

"_Bullshit. You haven't worked a weekend in two months."_

"_Look, I just-"_

"_Is it 'cause you're chicken?"_

"_What? No!"_

"_It is, isn't it? You're chicken, aren't you Sullivan?"_

"_No I am not!" Sulley snapped, getting worked up._

"_Then prove it and go with me," Randall smirked._

"_Fine, I'll go with you! Geez!"_

"_Sul!" Mike shouted._

"_What?" he said defensively. "He isn't gonna let up until we agree." He then looked up to his shoulder where Randall was currently resting his head atop his hands. "Would you mind getting off? I, uh… I can kinda feel your breath on my neck…" he trailed off, blushing faintly._

_Randall quickly scrabbled off him, doing his best to hide his own blush. He was quick to try and play it cool, clearing his throat before speaking up again. "Thank you James," he teased in a sing-song voice before making his way over to Mike._

_Sulley rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the cup of coffee he'd been nursing for the past twenty minutes. Randall took a seat on the arm of his armchair next to Mike and opened his mouth to speak._

"_Don't even think about it," Mike said before Randall even had the chance. "The answer's still no."_

"_Oh, c'mooooooooon," Randall whined. "Sullivan's going!"_

"_You didn't really give him much choice."_

"_And I'm not really giving you one either," he smirked._

"_You're really not going to give up until I say yes, are you?"_

"_Nope," he replied smugly, crossing his arms._

_Mike sighed, rubbing his head again as though expecting a sudden headache. "Alright, fine, I'll go to your stupid thing. But don't expect me to enjoy it!"_

"_Yes!" Randall hollered. "I'm telling ya, you won't regret it!"_

'Stupid.' Randall rolled over in his bed repeating the word in his head. Because, of course, they had regretted it. All of them. But still the memories continued, Randall being unable to stop them.

"_Are we there yet?"_

"_For the last time Randall, Mike'll tell you when we're close," Sulley sighed._

"_I'm sorry James," he replied with a bat of his eyelids and a cheeky smile. "I'm just so excited! I've been wanting to do something like this with my best pals since forever!"_

"_You mean since this morning," Mike said, glancing into his rear-view mirror at the two monsters seated in the back. "You never said anything about mountain climbing until that flier was posted to everyone on your block."_

"_Well, maybe not mountain climbing exactly, but I wanted to do __**something **__with you guys," he said, looking between Mike's reflection and Sulley. "But seriously, thank you. Both of you. It __**does**__ mean a lot to me that you both agreed to this."_

"_Even though we didn't want to," Mike huffed._

"_Now Mike, be nice," Sulley gently chided. "Randall said this means a lot to him." He then turned to face Randall. "I'm happy I decided to go if it really means that much."_

_Randall smiled. "Thanks."_

_The two monsters gazed at each other a little longer than they'd intended to. That is, until Mike commanded their attention when he cleared his throat._

"_Would you two get a room already?" Mike said in a tone that was difficult to determine between amused and irritated._

"_What? I… that is…"_

"_It's not… we don't…"_

"_Oh save it, you're only fooling yourselves," Mike cut in. "Just profess your undying love for each other or whatever and let me get some peace."_

_The two monsters blushed furiously and remained silent for the rest of the three hour trip. Which was a relief to Mike._

Randall smiled slightly at the now bittersweet memory. Mike had of course been right; they were only fooling themselves and each other. He'd later found out that not only had he himself approached Mike to ask advice on how to gain Sulley's affection, but Sulley had done exactly the same thing. It was just unfortunate that both of them had sworn the green monster to secrecy. Even if he found small ways to use the information to his advantage by embarrassing them both.

"_You sure this is safe?" Sulley asked, evidently nervous. He fiddled with the many buckles and straps that had been wrapped around him. "I don't think this harness is going to support my weight…"_

"_The instructor said it was fine," Mike reassured him. "He's probably done this thousands of times. I don't think there's any chance of him being wrong."_

"_But he could be," he said, still dubious._

"_Relax Sullivan," Randall piped up, fiddling with his own harness which had been fitted rather uncomfortably around his slender frame. "It'll be fine. They take your weight into consideration. There's no way it won't support you."_

"_Well, I guess so…"_

"_C'mon boys!" the instructor called out to the trio. "We need to get you all hooked up!"_

"_Right, let's go!" Randall said excitedly as he quickly made his way to the instructor, Mike and Sulley following._

In fairness, the harness wasn't what had failed Sulley. The instructor was right about that much.

Randall rolled over in his bed again, the scene continuing to play out. The climb had been enjoyable for the first few hours or so. Mike had been fairly slow at climbing at first; prompting a little payback from the two others who wasted no time in poking fun at him. It wasn't until they were about halfway up that the laughs would come to an abrupt stop.

"_We get to… take a break? Oh thank goodness!" Mike sighed as he collapsed on the ground, panting for breath._

"_C'mon Mike, the climb wasn't so bad," Sulley chuckled as he took a seat next to him._

"_Yeah Wazowski, it wasn't __**that**__ hard," Randall added, taking a seat next to Sulley._

"_Says you! You can stick to walls! You were built for climbing! I was not."_

_Randall snorted. "Well that's obvious."_

"_Hey! At least I'm trying!"_

"_Relax, I'm just teasing," he snickered. "Even if seeing you all out of breath is hilarious. But really, I appreciate you for still doing this."_

"_Well, you wanted to try something different, so we're trying something different," he said, picking himself up from the ground to rest in a sitting position. "Gotta say though, that's one heck of a view."_

_The three monsters looked out from the plateau the instructor had led them up to whilst he prepared for the next part of their climb. The view was beautiful. The local village could be seen below, the dense forest surrounding part of it and even the beginnings of the nearest city just beyond. The sky itself was equally breath-taking, a brilliant shade of blue almost completely undisturbed by the sunlight filtering through the few clouds of pure white gathered there._

"_Hey, mind if I..?" the instructor said, redirecting all three monsters' attention to him. He was pointing at Mike's harness, looking to unclip them from the guide line, presumably to set it up for the next part._

"_Oh, sure," Mike said, moving his arms out of the way to give the instructor ease of access._

_The trio were soon unsecured and left to enjoy their break which would last another twenty minutes. They each had a quick drink from the water bottles they'd brought with them whilst continuing to look out to the horizon._

"_Y'know Randall, I'm glad I agreed to come," Mike admitted, looking to the monster in question with a warm smile. "This was actually a really good idea. For once."_

_Randall chuckled. "I __**do**__ have them sometimes, I'll have you know."_

"_I agree," Sulley nodded, offering Randall an even bigger smile. "This was the best suggestion for a group activity you could've come up with."_

"_Oh, well thanks," he said, grinning goofily. He blushed slightly at the compliment, happy to have made Sulley so happy. "I love you guys."_

_Randall then snaked his way between the two of them, wrapping an arm around each and pulling them into a group hug. The two returned the hug, remaining like that for a small time._

"_So how high up do you think we are?" Randall pondered aloud._

"_I dunno," Sulley said. "Pretty high, I'd say."_

"_Thank you captain obvious," Mike teased, to which Sulley poked his tongue out, prompting a laugh from all three of them. "I think we're about two thousand feet up."_

"_Wow," Randall gasped. "That's pretty high."_

"_Hey, do you hear that?" Mike asked._

"_Hear what?" Randall and Sulley replied in union._

_Mike quickly shushed them, listening out. "That! Can't you hear it?"_

_The other two strained to hear what Mike was trying to point out, only hearing it a moment later._

"_Yeah, sounds like something's rumbling," Randall commented._

"_What do you suppose it is?" Mike pondered._

"_I dunno."_

"_I think I do," Sulley said urgently, pointing upwards as he gained the others' attention. "Landslide!"_

_Several rocks both large and small were tumbling down the rock face above them, threatening to spill over the whole plateau._

"_Everyone against the wall!" Sulley called, not giving the other two monsters time to react as he started pulling them along._

"_Sul, are you crazy?!" Mike cried. "It'll land right on us!"_

"_It's going to land on us anyway, but at least it won't knock us off the mountain!"_

"_But it's still gonna kill us! We should try and climb around!"_

"_No time! It's too close!"_

_Sulley shoved Mike and Randall against the wall and pressed his arms into the wall, towering over them as he ducked his head down as best he could._

"_What are you doing?!" Randall said as he looked up to the monster stooped over them._

"_I'm going to cover you!" Sulley shouted, the sound of the falling rocks threatening to drown out his voice. "No sense in all of us getting hit!"_

"_But Sul!" Mike shouted._

"_No buts! Just stay put!"_

_The first few rocks weren't too bad. They stung the larger monster, but rebounded off and away from him easily enough. Sulley didn't dare look up, keeping his whole body hunched in the hopes of minimalizing any damage. The first of the larger rocks was much more difficult to deal with. It landed on his back with a loud thud, almost sending him crashing to his knees. He cried out in pain, but still he stood his ground. All the while Mike and Randall cowered below him, watching as Sulley kept his eyes shut, his face contorting with pain as each rock hit him._

_A few more of the larger rocks hit him and Sulley did eventually fall to his knees. He couldn't be certain, but he felt one had broken his arm judging by his inability to hold it up. He stayed above the others, digging his fist and his horns into the rock face to help keep himself steady. It proved effective for a while, but as the landslide showed no signs of stopping and he grew weaker and more injured he eventually fell to the floor on his side, rolling over as he groaned in pain._

_Now open to the elements, Mike and Randall also began getting struck by the falling rocks. They both guarded themselves as best they could with their arms above their heads. A large shadow cast itself above Mike and Randall quickly leapt at him, pushing them both out of the way, narrowly avoiding a boulder just as big as he was. Sulley had no strength to protect himself, crying out as he was struck all over. The force from the rocks as well as the slide of the ground beneath him was also beginning to push him steadily towards the edge of the plateau, threatening to knock him off._

"_Sulley!" Mike cried out, rushing over along with Randall._

_They both braved the landslide to ensure they stopped their friend from being pushed over. They barely reached him in time, grabbing one of Sulley's hands each as he dangled over the edge._

_Thankfully the landslide petered out after that. Mike and Randall were free to pull Sulley up, albeit with a struggle, without fear of being knocked over themselves. Sulley cried out in pain, his broken arm being pulled making the entire experience excruciating, but within just a short moment he was safely back on the plateau._

_All three monsters panted heavily, collapsing to the ground._

"_That… was… scary…" Randall said between breaths._

"_You're… telling me…" Sulley replied._

"_How… the heck… did that… happen?!" Mike said angrily. "I thought… this was… supposed… to be safe…"_

"_I don't… I don't know…" Randall panted. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have… suggested this…"_

"_It's alright, we're fine," Sulley said, turning to Randall with a smile._

"_Yeah, barely. Look at you!" he said, beginning to tear up. "You… you saved us, and now look! You've got so many cuts, and your arm looks broken. This is all my fault…"_

"_Don't worry, we're alive aren't we?" he chuckled._

"_Sul, how could you even laugh like that?" Mike said irritably._

"_How could I not? I almost died! And I feel so alive!"_

"_Hey, yeah!" Randall perked up. "We just survived a landslide. On a mountain! We are awesome!"_

_Mike groaned, shaking his head. "I don't understand you two."_

_Sulley and Randall both laughed._

"_Lighten up Mike, he's got a point," Sulley said._

"_Whatever. I just wanna get down now before one of us dies." Mike then gasped. "The instructor! Do you think he's alright?!"_

"_I'll go look," Randall offered, slowly clambering to his feet._

"_We should __**all**__ go look," Mike said as he picked himself up from the ground. "I don't want us to separate. Just in case."_

"_Alright, then we'll all go," Randall said. "C'mon, he should be somewhere this way!"_

_The reptilian monster sauntered ahead, Mike following._

"_How far away was the next climb supposed to be?" Randall asked._

"_A couple hundred feet. Not too far away, but hopefully far enough that-"_

"_Um, guys, a little help?" Sulley called as he struggled to get up, barely able to lift his own weight with his one good arm._

_Mike and Randall both turned to see the blue-furred monster straining to pick himself up._

"_Oh, right," Mike said, making his way over to help his friend._

"_Sorry James," Randall chuckled as he made to follow. "Kinda forgot about you."_

"_Gee, thanks," Sulley muttered, though he did smile. "I feel so loved."_

"_At least we remembered eventually?" Mike offered with a bashful smile._

"_You mean you both heard me calling you over. And this is the thanks I get for-"_

_The rest of Sulley's sentence was cut off with a series of panicked cries. The ground beneath him began crumbling away and, still being so close to the edge, he began clawing at the ground and scrabbling to pull himself away as he was dragged down._

"_**Sul**__!"_

"_**James**__!"_

_The two sprinted over but it was already too late. With only one arm to help him and no leverage under more than half his body it took less than a second for Sulley to fall over. Mike reached him just a second too late, Randall not far behind him. The two could only watch as their friend fell, trying to grip onto anything he could with no success. Each small rock or root he grabbed instantly broke off, doing nothing to slow his descent. Eventually the curvature took the rock face away from him, leaving Sulley nothing to do but brace himself for the inevitable._

Never in all his life would Randall forget that sound. That sickening thud as Sulley landed upon a smaller plateau a few hundred feet below them. He knew it would haunt him for the rest of his days. It was one of the few things he had remembered ever since.

Another memory imposed itself upon this one, a memory from much longer ago, from another life. Sulley had been holding on for dear life at the edge of a door suspended impossibly high in MI's door vault. And Randall had been looking down at him then. He had almost caused his death then, too. The two events were remarkably similar, only this time was different. He'd succeeded, even though it wasn't what he wanted. It never was. Not really.

"_Sulley…" Mike whimpered, at a complete loss for what to do._

_Randall, however, took action. He practically dove over the edge of the rock face despite Mike's protests, climbing down as quickly as he could. His hands and feet slipped a couple of times but he ignored it. His eyes never left Sulley's body once, and he became increasingly worried and desperate the longer Sulley went without moving. Tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision, but still he didn't slow until he finally made it, touching down on the plateau, making his way to the larger monster's side._

"_James…"_

_Randall quickly fell to his knees, assuming the worst. He began to sob, the sight before him seemingly hopeless. Blood had already pooled around Sulley from a few different sources and his legs were bent at unnatural angles. There was no way in his mind that the monster before him had survived. Yet a groan could suddenly be heard. It was faint, but it was definitely there. It was soon followed by another. Randall gasped and watched as Sulley began shifting slightly, grunting and whimpering in pain as he tried and failed to get up._

_Randall pressed lightly down onto Sulley's chest in an attempt to keep him down. The larger monster kept attempting to lift his head and arm up, but never made it more than a couple of inches before falling limp again._

"_James… James, listen to me," Randall said softly, choking back another sob. "Just… Just stay still."_

"_Can't, gotta… Ngh… Gotta get… agh…"_

_Randall shook his head. "No James, you don't need to do anything. Just stop struggling. You'll make yourself worse."_

"_But… But I…" He grunted in pain, screwing his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again._

"_Please, just stay still."_

_Sulley whimpered. "I… I feel awful. Am… Am I gonna die?"_

_Randall bit his lip, looking away. As much as he wanted to deny it, Sulley seemed to have a lot of injuries and he was certainly bleeding a lot. It was a miracle he was still alive now._

"_I… I dunno…" Randall said. He then began tearing up again, trying his best not to cry as he turned back to Sulley. "I don't know…"_

_Sulley nodded as best he could. "Then… Then Randall, I… I need to tell you something. Before it's too late."_

"_Don't say that!" he snapped, his voice trembling as his emotions threatened to overcome him._

_Sulley shushed him. "Listen to me. I need to tell you. In case I never get the chance… I've been hiding it so long now…"_

_Randall nodded, taking hold of one of Sulley's hands. "Wh-What is it?" he sniffed._

"_I… I wanted to tell you…" he trailed off, looking away. "I wanted to tell you-"_

_He suddenly lurched forward, crying out in pain._

"_James! What is it?!" he gasped._

_Sulley continued to cry out before collapsing, panting heavily._

"_M-Maybe you should stop talking… save your strength," Randall suggested. "I dunno. They always say it in the movies."_

_Despite everything Sulley cracked a smile. "You watch too many of them."_

"_Shuddup," he sniffed, smiling weakly._

"_But… I need to tell you now. Just in case…" He looked Randall in the eyes, giving his hand a small squeeze. "I love you, Randall. I…" He grunted again, screwing his eyes shut. He opened them again a moment later once the pain had subsided. "I… I've loved you… for a long time, now." He brushed a thumb over Randall's hand, smiling wider. "I'm sorry I didn't… say it before."_

"_Don't apologise. Please, don't."_

_Sulley let out a near-breathless laugh. "But I am, Randall. I am sorry… I shouldn't be telling you… Not like this…"_

_Randall shook his head. "No, I'm happy you told me."_

"_All I wanted… was to do right by you… When I…" He frowned slightly. "When I banished you… I felt so guilty. But when… when I found you, I was so happy. Because I knew! I knew it was my… my second chance. And I took you in… did my best… never went a day… without talking to you… tried to make you happy…" He then looked intently at Randall. "Did I… Did I make you happy?"_

_Randall began sobbing, unable to contain himself. Sulley was dying before his eyes, yet __**he**__ was the one who was concerned. "Y-Yeah… you made me happy," he replied, nodding his head._

"_Good," he sighed. "That's all… I wanted… for you… be happy… want… make you… happy…"_

_Sulley was beginning to start making less sense and his head lulled slightly._

"_James? James?!"_

_Randall placed his other hand to Sulley's cheek, carefully turning Sulley to face him. "Please… please don't die…"_

"_Take care… of Mike…" he said as his eyes began drooping. "And… and… yourself…"_

"_James, please… Please don't go," Randall sobbed, tears falling from his eyes to stain the ground between them._

_Sulley's eyes closed and his head began feeling heavier in Randall's hand. "So… tired… so… so cold…"_

"_No! No, James! Stay with me! Stay with me, please! You promised, remember? You promised you'd never leave me! Please!"_

_Sulley opened his eyes just slightly as he struggled to turn to face Randall. "I love you Randall," he said with a smile, squeezing his hand. "Always."_

_Sulley's eyes then closed for the last time, his smile vanishing and his head lulling again. His breathing became shallow, and before long it stopped altogether. He fell completely limp, evidenced in the fact that Randall had to tighten his grip on Sulley's hand to prevent it from falling to the ground. He began sobbing, holding Sulley's hand to his face._

_Randall said nothing more; there was nothing else to say. Sulley was no longer there to hear it. He was dead._

"I love you too, James," Randall said, all too late.

Leaning further into the pillow he now had clutched to his chest, he spoke the words he knew he should have at that moment, but never did. Sulley died with the possibility of not knowing Randall had felt the same way. That fact cut Randall deeply.

He buried his face in his pillow, sobbing uncontrollably. Something that should have been so simple, and he never did it. Sulley had died in an accident without being reassured that his love was returned.

An accident. Randall realised it was the first time he'd referred to the event as such, even mentally. Perhaps, given time, he would realise that was what it truly was. But for now, he grieved for the fact that the love of his life had died without the long, unasked question having been answered. But he hoped that Sulley knew. Wherever he was now, if he was looking down on him, he'd know, surely. The thought did little to comfort him, but it was at least a small hope. A small hope that proved just enough to ease his mind and, once his sobs slowly died out, allow him to sleep for the first time since that day.

* * *

Massive. It was the only word that came to mind when Randall arrived at the church for Sulley's funeral. He marvelled at the sheer number of monsters who had turned up to pay their respects to who was undoubtedly a very well-loved monster. It served as a nice distraction from what was otherwise touted to be a miserable day. One that came far too quickly for Randall's liking, though he wasn't sure he would ever be ready to see Sulley's body committed to the ground.

Having already stood at the gates a fair few minutes watching as monsters of all varieties passed, Randall decided it was time to enter. He noted that the cortege had already arrived and he was running the risk of being late. He felt a slight tug at his heart, knowing he hadn't been invited to join one of the limousines following the hearse there, but he knew that would have been too much to hope for. With a heavy sigh he began trudging towards the grandiose structure that would soon hold the service.

Upon entering Randall froze in his tracks once again, a couple of monsters behind him muttering irritably as they shuffled their way around him. He paid them no mind, however, the very sight before him capturing his fascination. It was beautiful.

Floral arrangements of white and pale yellow were placed at the foot of each tall window and dotted around the skirts of the building everywhere in between. They were even set at the end of each pew. The stone floor had a long, deep blue carpet trailing from where he currently stood all the way to the altar. Even the altar itself was decorated, draped with curtains of the purest white and the deepest black behind and around it, a few Laugh canisters placed at either side, presumably as a mark of what was Sulley's greatest achievement in life.

Already Randall was beginning to choke up, such a beautiful testament to the monster who had done so much for the city in which he lived, and arguably the world. His attention was caught when he was waved over by Mike, seated in one of the front-most pews. He made his way over slowly, puzzled as to why he was being summoned to the front. He knew Mike had been able to get him a seat at the funeral, which already had been a miracle itself considering the greater number of monster who would be, and currently were, left to stand, but never would he have imagined gaining a seat at the very front. He concluded Mike must only have wanted to talk to him before leaving him to find his place amongst the many other monsters already gathered. He was in for a pleasant surprise.

"Randall, dear," Sulley's mother had managed to say before Mike had the chance. "Please, sit with us." She patted the space on the pew between her and Mike which had, in fact, been reserved for him.

"R-Really?" Randall gasped. "But… But I…"

Sulley's mother smiled. "We shall talk later. But for now, I just want to apologise. It was all a big misunderstanding. I'm sorry. I should never have reacted the way I did."

Randall shook his head. "No, it's fine. I can see why you might've… well, y'know…"

She nodded. "But please, believe me. I know I was wrong now. But I will explain later. Please, just sit with us."

Randall nodded, taking a seat between her and Mike. Mike gave him a small nudge, smiling wide. "Everything's fine now, trust me," he whispered.

"Thank you," Randall whispered back.

Mike nodded and they all fell into silence. Randall occasionally glanced around to see who had gathered. There were many monsters he recognised from both college and Monsters, Inc., and many more he didn't recognise. It really was astounding to know this many monsters had been in some way affected by Sulley's short life, though it stood to reason that it could possibly encompass every monster in the world since the advent of Laugh energy.

It wasn't long before a song began to play that Randall instantly recognised. He turned to Mike once again, both smiling at each other. He'd done it. Mike had managed to have Sulley's favourite song play for his entrance. Every monster turned to face the doors to the church. The front-most pallbearers were already in view, George Sanderson and Claws Ward. They carried the coffin into the church and already a few sobs could be heard. Randall himself became choked up, but out of a sense of curiosity he silently watched, wanting to know who else had been selected to carry Sulley's casket.

As they walked along Randall spotted many familiar faces, and some not so much. Ted Pauley, Joe Ranft and the Perry twins had all been chosen as pallbearers along with a few monsters who bore a slight resemblance to Sulley, presumably uncles, aunts or cousins. It suddenly occurred to Randall that Sulley really didn't have any friends from outside of work, which was somewhat sad upon reflection.

He watched as the coffin was carefully placed upon the catafalque behind the altar, the monsters who'd bore it all taking a seat in the front pew on the opposite side. A priest then took his place at the altar, ready to begin the service.

"We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of James Sullivan," he spoke in a loud, clear voice that cut through the silence of the room. "A beloved son, cousin, friend and co-worker…"

The priest's words were quickly lost on Randall. In fact, he didn't hear a single word more. Throughout the whole service his eyes never left the coffin containing the remains of his friend. He subconsciously followed all the cues given to the guests, standing when appropriate, singing hymns without realising he was doing it. His eyes probably had, in fact, left the altar a few times, if only to find the correct pages in the hymn book provided to him, but he didn't remember. All he could focus on was the tragic loss to everyone that now lay at the back of the church. Monstropolis' loss. The world's loss. _His_ loss.

More than once Randall felt like sobbing. But he remained strong. Before long the service came to an end, the priest saying one last prayer before leaving the family and friends to approach the casket should they so desire. Almost everyone in the front two pews stood, filing their way towards the coffin. Mike, Randall and Sulley's mother had in fact been last to join the line, feeling it appropriate that they should be the ones to say the final goodbyes.

Each and every monster had something different to say to the monster they all held dear. Despite being a closed casket, the personal and emotional level of each farewell was not detracted from.

Mike was the first of the three to say his goodbye. It was fairly long, impassioned and it certainly broke more than a few hearts, particularly when his strength gave out on him and he turned away from the coffin, only to break down in tears. Sulley's mother gave a similarly passionate farewell, at the end of which she kissed her hand and placed it atop the coffin. Once she turned away from her son she too broke down, Mike doing his best to comfort her as they made their way back to the pew.

And then it was Randall's turn. He was alone at the altar, the only one left there with the coffin before him. He approached, swaying slightly as he simply stared, unable to say anything. Many words ran through his mind, so many things he wanted to say, things he couldn't say, things that were too late to say.

"So, I guess this is it," he began, his words surprisingly clear and confident despite not even thinking the words before he spoke them. Everyone around him suddenly faded into the background, only he and Sulley were there in his own little world. He didn't take note of the fact that all was silent besides the sobs of a few monsters gathered, nor did he consider the fact that everyone could hear him. He would say what came to mind without fear of consequence; he would say what he wanted.

"I… didn't get the chance to say all I wanted to say when you were alive. Even though I had _so_ many opportunities, I never took a single one of 'em. And that was my fault. Even on that day, when you said those last words to me, still I didn't take it." He sighed deeply, taking a moment to compose himself. "You see, James, you… You were a nuisance. A pest, an annoyance, a thorn in my side. You made my life _miserable_ for so long… Or so I thought. But it wasn't until recently that I found out it wasn't you who made my life miserable. It wasn't anyone else who did either. It was me. _You_ showed me that, and _you_ helped me change that. And I can only thank you for that. You did so much for me, and yet… I never managed to do anything for you. Not even the most important thing you could possibly have wanted from me." He sniffed, wiping the tears from his eyes as they began to fall. He took a deep breath to calm himself, though he choked a little as he exhaled. "I never managed to say the most important words you could have wanted to hear. The very last words you said to me, I never said back. And I know it's too late, I know you're not here to hear it… Or at least, even if you are, you're not here to say anything back, but I don't care. Because I need to say it. I _have_ to say it." He shuffled a little closer to the coffin, resting a hand on top. "I love you, James. I love you, and I always will. And now that you're gone… I don't know what to do. I'm lost without you, James. I have no plan, no goals… You were everything to me, and now I have nothing. I don't… I don't know what to do, James," he whimpered. "And you can't be here to tell me… Dammit, James! Why did you leave me?!" He then collapsed to his knees, placing all his hands on the side of the coffin as he sobbed. "Please don't leave me, James. Please, just… just come back…"

Randall lowered his gaze to the floor as he continued to cry, his sobs wracking his entire frame, rendering him unable to say anything more. A comforting hand was placed on his shoulder and suddenly his little world shattered. It wasn't just him and Sulley, he became aware of the monsters around him, but still he did his best not to think on it. He looked up to see Mike there by his side, probably the best monster for him to find there. He didn't feel embarrassed or conscious, but comforted. At least a little.

Randall slowly lifted himself up and allowed himself to be steered back towards the pew, taking a seat with Mike and Sulley's mother who both wrapped a comforting arm around him. He continued to sob even as the pallbearers were signalled to lift the coffin once again.

He calmed himself a little when he was lead to stand, joining Mike and Sulley's mother in following behind the coffin. When his sobs finally stopped Randall simply felt numb, not paying much attention to what was going on around him. The rest of the journey to Sulley's grave was a blur.

* * *

Once again Randall found himself not listening to the priest's words as he watched the casket lowered into the grave. Many flowers were placed atop the casket by friends and family alike. A couple of passages and prayers were said, and soon the first shovelful of earth was thrown into the grave, hitting the coffin with a thud. Randall choked back another sob as the coffin became more and more obscured, completely covered in moments.

Most monsters in attendance began to turn and leave. Only those closest to Sulley remained. All was silent besides the faint sound of sobbing from Sulley's mother, the gentle breeze rustling the leaves on the nearby trees, and the sound of dirt being shovelled, each mound producing a small thud that resonated throughout Randall's very fibre, driving the point further and further each time that Sulley was now gone from the world, completely, with no hope of coming back.

After a while Randall had had enough, he turned to leave, feeling like heading home and shutting himself off from the world for the rest of his life. Sulley's mother halted him, however. She pulled him and Mike aside, stating she had something to explain.

"Randall dear, I wanted to tell you the results of the inquest," she began.

"Inquest?" Randall asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, you remember don't you buddy?" Mike said. "The reason the police were questioning us."

"O-Oh. Oh yeah." In truth he hadn't remembered such a mention of an inquest, but he figured that was only natural. He hadn't remembered much since the accident.

"Well, as it turns out, the company who run the mountain climbing experience were to blame," she continued. "The route they used had been deemed unsafe after a landslide occurred in the same spot just a few months ago." She began to get a little choked up. "It should never have been used. They had other routes. It was _their_ fault!" She noticed herself becoming distressed and paused, composing herself once again. "But, you see, it wasn't your fault Randall," she said, smiling as warmly as she could. "You couldn't possibly have known. It was just an accident. One which you can't be considered at fault for."

"It… wasn't my fault..?" Randall said weakly.

"No dear, it wasn't."

Randall began to tear up again. "Not… my fault…"

Without thinking he practically launched himself at her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you," he said.

Although shocked initially, she relaxed and wrapped her arms around the reptilian monster, hugging him close. "Not at all. And I'm so sorry if I ever blamed you. I know now I shouldn't have." She broke the hug, although her hands never left Randall, resting atop his shoulders. She gazed into his eyes, noticing the pure pain that seemed to be held there. "You really did love him, didn't you?"

"More than anything."

She nodded, smiling. "If ever, and I mean ever, you need someone to talk to, call me."

Randall smiled faintly. "I will. Thank you."

Having said her piece she nodded and made her way off. Randall and Mike remained.

"So…" Mike said, resting a hand on Randall's back. "What's the plan? Where do you go from here?"

"I… I don't know," he replied. "I meant what I said, Mike. I'm lost. I really don't know what to do."

"Well, you have your job at the café for now, right?"

"Yeah… I do have that." He then looked down, frowning. "I don't want to be there forever. But I don't know what else to do."

"Maybe you could put your engineering skills to use?" Mike offered. "I'm sure there're plenty of fields that could make good use of someone like you."

"Maybe."

Mike gave Randall a pat on the back. "C'mon, let's head back to your place for now. I'm sure neither of us wants to be alone after today."

Randall nodded. The two made their way out of the churchyard, heading back to Randall's apartment which was closer than Mike's house.

"Nice suit, by the way," Mike commented.

"You said it yourself, you expected nothing less," Randall said with a small chuckle.

"That I did, that I did."

* * *

Months passed and a lot happened, yet nothing really changed at all. Randall had gone from being depressed to being angry. The news that Sulley's death wasn't his fault had come as a welcome relief at first, but upon realising it should have been completely avoidable he quickly became bitter, even long after the company responsible had been brought to justice. It didn't last forever, however. Randall did eventually make peace with what had happened. That was the hardest part.

From there, life finally began to get a little easier. Randall was still working the same dead-end job in a small café, but he was beginning to feel better in himself. He'd made good on his promise to call Sulley's mother on occasion, and she had been surprisingly supportive to him. In fact, a lot of monsters had been. As well as having Mike and Randall's own mother to support him, many monsters started getting back in touch with him, whether from college or Monsters, Inc.

Randall finally started going out more and socialising with other monsters. Mike had been more than happy to help in this process, linking him with the others he worked with on the Laugh Floor. But no matter how much better things got, Randall would still find himself alone at night. Alone with the thoughts of what could have been, what should have been. They were beginning to torture him less and less now, but they would always be there.

He visited Sulley's grave often. He would always bring flowers, sometimes a card if it was a particular occasion. The worst had been Sulley's birthday. That had upset Randall the most. But he wasn't alone that day. Mike and a few members of Sulley's family, his mother included, had also visited at around the same time. The day was made easier as they all shared stories from various points in Sulley's life. Most of them had been about how he'd helped the monster telling the story. It never ceased to amaze Randall how extraordinary a monster Sulley really was. And how ignorant he'd been of that fact for so long.

There were good days and there were bad days. There were even downright dreadful days where Randall wouldn't even be able to will himself out of bed. But still, he was able to carry on. Live his life. The life afforded to him selflessly by the monster he'd once loved. The monster he still loved. He may not have accomplished much yet, but he was becoming happier. And he knew that was what Sulley would have wanted.

He couldn't have Sulley, but he could at least make him proud. And that was exactly what he was now determined to do.

Randall pulled a photo out of his wallet. It was a little worn with large creases from where it had been folded and refolded several times, but it was still clear. Three smiling faces looked up at him and he couldn't help but smile back. It was a happier memory now, one that didn't hurt nearly as much anymore, but one that truly inspired him.

"I'm doing it, James," he told the largest figure in the photo. "I'm going to make you proud."

He carefully folded the photo again, sliding it back into his wallet. He looked up and took a large breath, taking in the details of the large building before him. This was it. It was time to get his life back on track. He strode confidently towards the main doors and made his way in.

The CDA had finally cleared him, deemed him safe, and he was taking that blessing and making something of it. Sure, it was only a job interview, but he felt like nothing would stop him getting it.

Randall Boggs, Chief Engineer of Monsters, Incorporated. He liked the sound of that.


End file.
